Write and rewrite, its been over an hour until her fingers finally left the keyboard. ' I feel bare, should I really do this?'. Growing up shy and introverted she didn't really want to be in the spotlight. The mere thought of people staring at her, their curious eyes and judgement is enough to make her shiver. Her palms are starting to sweat and turns cold while her lips are turning pale.
Its been so long since she felt this kind of rush. The nerve wrecking anticipation,she felt alive again.Holding her breath and closing her eyes as she pressed the submit button. There is no turning back, not now, she wanted to be braver.
Anxiety creeps in as she stares at the computer screen. Her body temperature is rising just like her pounding heart. Sending her poetry and stories to the world while hiding in metaphors written beautifully in each line she wrote.
She hid herself at the back of the fictional characters she made. They were different versions of her. But most often she wished they could be her in real life, brave, amazing, close to perfect. Everything she is not but everything she ever wanted to be.
Letting out her poems and stories was like letting them see whats inside her. It was like they can see her soul and heart, her dreams, her hopes and fears. She felt bare just by submitting those poems and articles.
It felt as if being under an operating table and people are around ready to slice her up and see whats inside of her. Whats wrong with her, what could be fixed and what could be saved.
She stood up and looked at herself in the mirror. She's a nobody just another girl who's plain, boring and ordinary. " They wont know its me anyway.' her pen names became her shield from the people who wanted to know who's behind these written tragedies. Anonymity gave her freedom and a little confidence. Forget what the world thinks, at least she knows who she is.
She lived in a chaotic world far from the stories shes written, far from the romanticism of the poems she made. She felt bare as her story gathered views. Her low self esteem told her she should bring the articles down, its not worth reading. Making up her mind she kept on, no more hiding.
Breathing deep and letting out a sigh, she tells herself its okay. The thought of the spotlight flashed again, of people asking questions she didn't know how to answer or where to begin.
These are enough to make her insides melt and burn. But today she felt brave, she must go on.Its safer to hide in pen names and metaphors, silently mingling among the crowd pretending to blend in. Erasing her fears and doubts, she'll conquer a universe she made.
She found solace in paper, pens and ink. At-least this way she could be brave even if she felt bare as the views get higher.She's confident her pen names could hide her.
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